China Segment

So I finally went to see a crosstalk (相声) performance a couple weekends ago. Let’s just say it was entertaining for those in the audience who are native Mandarin speakers, hilarious for those who understand Shandongnese (山东话), and not so hot for the dumb laowai who got dragged there by his wife.

I did understand about 50% of one act, but otherwise was pretty clueless. So I focused (between day dreams) on their body language, the rhythm of their art, and the surrounding atmosphere.

It was typically Chinese. Or, let’s say, far more Chinese than going to watch a movie at a cinema. The theater we went to is 乡音书院 on Nanjing West Road near Shimen Road, down a small lane. It’s not grandiose, and as soon as you step inside what looks like a normal sort of old building, you’re at the back row of seats. Outside food is allowed and even encouraged since there are little arm tables between every two seats. The crowd munched on sunflower and watermelon seeds and sipped on tea for at least the first half of the performance. The rooms smelled of the seeds, and the last 45 minutes saw a lot of people going to the bathroom on the left side just beyond a curtain. Cell phones rang and people answered or excused themselves, and messages were sent. It was so much more relaxed than the nazi-run movie theaters where nothing is allowed to interfere with enjoyment of the movie. (I criticize but do prefer that style.) This was what I feel to be Chinese style relaxation and entertainment, full of food and drink, sounds and distractions, and comfort (except for the relatively hard seats). It’s the complete opposite of spartan, disciplined Anglo-Saxons sitting with correct posture, denying themselves food, and never speaking a word, while clapping at the appropriate times and in the prescribed form.

On the other hand, about 30 minutes into it, the dildo sitting beside me opened up a package of duck neck (鸭脖) and proceeded to noisily chow down on it for the next hour or so. What the fuck? I hate the smell of duck neck. What’s the thought process connecting performance art and neck eating? Or would he and his girlfriend necking have been worse? No, the necking wouldn’t have diffused into my nostrils, while his love-making to that duck neck did.

The performance itself was mixed. There were three solo performers who came out and did storytelling, timed against a beat they created with wooden blocks that they would rattle together. Anyone know what those things are called? Anyway, one old guy even did his in Shandongnese, so most of the audience didn’t understand it. About three people laughed on occasion, but I’m sure most people drifted off into dreamland as I did. Apparently crosstalk used to be a solo thing and then developed into a team comedy. The solo guys alternated with crosstalk teams of two men, each doing about a 15-minute bit. They seemed to all work with the same formula of one main speaker or protagonist, with another as a foil or questioner. The lead would speak his points while the other (sometimes acting dumb, other times ruefully inciting the other) asked, answered or prodded on with short comments like “yes,” “of course,” “why,” “no way,” etc. (是的， 当然， 为什么， 不可能， 等等) The main speaker made outrageous claims or told funny stories about different people with the assistance of his sidekick.

I have to say that my wife and her friends enjoyed most of the show and had a good time. I survived and lived to tell the story of it. I thought it was very interesting, particularly the fast rhythm and teamwork between the comedians. As a Canadian I suppose I should mention that Dashan does crosstalk, but I’ve never seen him perform. It reminded me of course of Abbott and Costello and others comedy teams, but of course with the uniqueness of China. And these guys never got rattled! People in the audience left for the bathroom, answered phones, ate, and sometimes even made comments. One boy about ten years of age was quite excited by the whole thing and kept adding lines of his own to what the comics on stage were saying. Without breaking their timing, one of them shot back a funny comment meant to get a laugh while dissuading the boy from continuing. It worked. I’m sure they’d dealt with tougher situations before with hecklers but it was neat to see how they took it all in stride.

Anyway, if your Chinese is really good, check it out. Can’t hurt. Tickets were 35 yuan a piece. Otherwise, maybe just check it out on TV. And don’t forget BYODN: bring your own duck neck.

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